Jokes Section

This section, as the name implies, is for jokes.
Please post all the fun jokes ( and not so fun ones) here, though respect the rules of the forum.

Ill start with a joke:

Why do pipers march when they play?

A moving target is harder to hit ...

What did the cows go to see at the weekend?

A mooooooooooooovie!

lol, nice one

Guide in Glasgow's Burrell Museum:"These Egyptian carvings are more than three thoughsand years old. Perhaps Moses saw them when he was a boy."
Visitor: "I never knew Moses had been to Glascow" ...

what did the wall say to the other wall?
lets meet up in the corner

whats red and smells like blue paint?
red paint

how come the man that was driving the train got hit by the lightning?
he was one hell of a conductor

what did the vegetarian zombie say?
GRAAAAAINS!

whats the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?
one goes: *whack* DARN!, and the other goes DARN! *whack*

why did the tomato blush?
it saw the salad dressing

two muffins in an oven. one says: oh my god its hot in here, and the other says: HOLY CRAP A TALKIN MUFFIN!
^


Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine



two fish in a tank. one fish says to the other: do you know how to drive this thing?

what do you do if a swede throws a nade at you?
pull the pin and throw it back

That was my collection of jokes

Quite nice jokes, I liked the Zombie one, The Stick one ( awesome ) and the fish :p
And since You have to post a joke each time:

Two people talking:
"I haven't spoken to my wife in 25 years."
"Good gracious! Why not?"
"She dosen't like being interrupted" ...

hehe, hope you liked it

Ace, i took two jokes out of your post because they were a bit offensive and rude.

In the Horseshoe Bar a card game was in progress, when all of a sudden a loud exclamation was heard.
"Hey! you're cheating! "
"What do you mean, I'm cheating?"
"Those aren't the cards I dealt you ! "


"Surely you're not going to drive that car," said the policeman, advancing on the motorist who had just emerged from the pub.
"Well, offisher, do you think I'm in any condition to walk?"


"Good evening," said the man at the door.
"I'm collecting for the school swimming pool. Would you like to contribute?"
"Certainly," said Shug. "Hold on a minute."
He went back into the house, then reappeared with a jug of water.

Hope you liked them